Here With You
by Kare Uta
Summary: Bryan's girlfriend is braindead and both him and Tala take it hard while Kai tries to keep things in order, nothing seems to go right when everyone plans on dealing with their emotions alone, especially Bryan. Angsty. Oneshot.


Here With You

_**Here With You**_

_Needles are piercing through my skin  
I'll tell you the feeling what it's like  
Is life just all about deception?  
Please don't be a part of a fairy tale,  
but you're so young to play with thy own will  
Should I trade the breath of my life for freedom?_

"Because I can only think of her right now! Here..." the side of his fisted-hand impacted onto his chest with a thumping noise but the sting of pain caused by it went completely unnoticed, it was nothing in comparison. "... and here..." the index finger of his free hand stabbed into his temple, arms strained so much it almost hurt. "...it's only her." He let out a heavy breath, things cracking from the inside. "And it's taking all my strength, _all_ I have. I'm already tearing up so much, I can't afford any more power to get torn by trying to deal with anyone else because _I'll break then_!" his voice cracked, dwelling out the last words, the waves of hurt and despair numbing the body and the mind as he tried to get them to understand. "I just can't give any more!" shaking all over he briefly buried his hand in his hair, fingers curling up and scratching over the scalp as he combed them through. "Because it's here." Staring up again at his friends he harshly brought up his index finger again, letting the edge of it connect with his throat right beneath his chin. "It's limit." His voice grew hard, petrified with pain and the mix of every negative feeling he ever had to experience in his life. He saw nothing in front of his eyes for his mind wasn't even able to bother with taking in images his irises were seeing, clouded with misery too much. "I'm. At. My. Limit." And with each word it was a hammer hit to his consciousness and heart. No room... there was no more room in his chest to take in more aching and still it continued to pile up. But he couldn't... couldn't cry. Teeth gritted so much his skull was already hurting, he tried to keep it all inside. Couldn't they understand? There was no space to try harder, no courage, no strength, no hope to deal with anything else. He couldn't... God, he just _couldn't_.

_(In the rain) I'm calling you, dear  
(Find the way) Can't you see me standing right here?  
(Feel my pain) Life's bleeding from fear  
(Find its place) I will give it straight from my vein_

"Bry..."

"Don't touch me." he whispered brokenly and jerked his shoulder getting Tala's hand off it again. He feared such touches right now, feared them because if someone would wrap him up in a soothing embrace right now he knew he would burst into tears. In this moment such caring warmth was fatal; if he didn't want to break his promise to her then he had to stay away from comfort for as long as possible. Stay away from supporting gestures and words... Thus, he got up and dashed his way out of the living room, throwing the bathroom's door shut with a deafening bang.

Hitting the tiled ground on his knees he squeezed his eyes shut. They stung. They stung. They stung so much, the salty fluid already building up right beneath the pressed together eyelids, burning right under the skin and he gripped his head, shaking it furiously with a whimpered grunt.

If he ever knew hell, then this was it. Nothing in the past came close to this. His mind had disappeared into a chaos of insanity as liquid fire of hurt burnt up every fiber in his being as if engulfing him into a blaze and his stomach and chest clenched abruptly to keep the cries inside, breathing an irregular mess of ins and outs, helpless sniffles and dry sobbing. Trembling, his hands tightened their grip as if wanting to squash his own skull, all sounds dissolving into a high-pitched, maddening ringing in his ears and senses flashing to black repeatedly. Yet he wasn't crying... he wasn't... with all human and inhuman efforts possible he was sticking to that dear little promise he had given while on the inside he continued to scream out, scream out for his beloved, his angel without whom he was coming undone getting severely hurt without his protection and withering without his warmth. Scream out to him to come and rescue his crumbling self, praying to whatever God there was that could hear him, that his strength would not fail him. That this suffering wouldn't be in vain, that his energy would last long enough... Long enough until the moment he would be able to look into those eyes again without worries and fears in both their hearts and just smile...

_Needles are piercing through my skin  
__I don't fear the fucking life  
This never meant I can't sit by  
They say as if it takes me somewhere  
Just let me swallow the faith by injection  
Life better be rushing to my head, my love_

For some brief moments after Bryan's harsh retreat Tala was still staring at the spot the younger boy had been sitting at, dazzled. Dazzled by both words and actions of the younger before standing up as well, his trembling hands gripping Bryan's cigarette pack and the lighter from the table before he escaped his way out of the living room as well, followed by Kai who'd rose from his seat quickly and hurrying after his friend. He found the boy standing in the kitchen, staring out the window, cigarette in hand.

"Hey..." stepping closer he reached out, touching a quivering shoulder and the younger boy felt startled; his whole body tensed up, mute tears streaming down the pallid cheeks.

"I can't take it..." he whispered, making another shallow drag and exhaling it with a shaky breath.

"I can't see him like this, Kai..." inhaling with a sniff again he pressed his lips to his knuckles trying to muffled down a strangled sob, feeling the salty liquid creep from his cheeks onto his hand, down the jaw line and over the neck. Pain-filled droplets pearling out of his eyes without him feeling them.

"If this doesn't end soon, I'm going to end up as a nervous wreck... Bry's breaking and it's breaking me. And if I think about her then…I can't even imagine what I'll do." his trembling fingers lost hold of the cigarette letting it drop onto the ground and he buried his face in his hands with a helpless sob. How was he going to support Bryan while being in such a state and in desperate need of support himself he honestly didn't know. Yet he was bound by nearly the same promise their youngest was... He'd promised to take care of him... how could he fail?

He flinched slightly feeling arms going around him which soon tugged him into a firm embrace. Soothingly stroking the back of the shivering being in his arms, Kai let out a sorrowful sigh, feeling hot, salty tears soak the shirt's material on his chest.

"I honestly wish I could say more than it's going to be alright. We'll manage this, Tala... somehow... together." He said quietly, contemplative staring past the mop of red hair trying to pass some calmness and assurance onto his distraught friend.

_I've played with this game before to find a piece of my true self!  
I'm lost within!_

(In the rain) I'm calling you, dear  
(Find the way) Can't you see me standing right here?  
(Feel my pain) Life's bleeding from fear  
(Find its place) I will give it straight from my vein

That's how they remained for seemingly hours. Bryan didn't come out of his hiding place in the bathroom, neither for lunch nor for dinner and the reply to their occasional knocking on the bathroom door was a weak and simple "Go away." At least it accredited them that the youngest was still alive and breathing, somehow. Even as they settled to go to sleep, the bathroom door remained closed, their concerned urging for the youngest to come out of the room just falling on deaf ears. That hurt but they had to back off eventually, accepting that Bryan obviously wanted to be alone in his suffering.

And Bryan indeed did, after all. For hours, he was sitting in the same position on the ground, leaning back against the bathtub and dumbly staring at the sink in front of him. The thumping pain in his chest continued stinging and burning on, numbing every perception over and reflecting in the blank, dull eyes that were stinging horribly demanding him to finally blink. But he didn't, simply ignoring that demand. He thought the white of the sink actually already imprinted itself into his retina for even as night came and the bathroom plunged into impenetrable darkness the picture of it still stayed in front of his eyes.

Eventually, he simply fell asleep sitting like that not even noticing how his consciousness slipped into that painfully dark oblivion. So waking up he felt terrible, body aching in all possible and impossible places, stiff all over. He couldn't even move for some moments, feeling like he had been made out of metal. Every bone vibrated with a nasty echo of pain as he gripped the edge of the bathtub and troublesomely got up to his feet even, though his knees buckled almost instantly, causing him to plop down onto just that edge with a sorrowful grunt. Exhausted, he groaned at the nasty stinging of neck and shoulders; his butt was so numb he didn't even feel himself sitting anymore.

_I'm feeling my pain  
Do you feel where it's been  
Can you cope with history of the world,  
when it's sad part of life?  
Can set the shadows fade,  
forever fade away_

He breathed out, cussing which burnt up his dry and tender throat and slowly turning around he hit the faucet up hearing the quiet swish of water and holding his hands under the spray to splash a good amount of the cool liquid onto his face which brought a bit of physical comfort. Switching the water off again he almost tilted backwards into the bathtub cussing under his breath again. He was irritated for whatever reasons, angry at everything and just wanting to close his eyes again and dissolve into dreamless sleep once more. Tired... so very tired... Apathy seized his body and he struggled to get rid of it again, flinching as he heard someone knock on the door. From the ray of light coming from underneath the slit he guessed it was morning already...

His body felt lifeless, he couldn't move, he couldn't tell which parts of his body were actually working anymore. There were just parts of him that seemed lifeless to him, unresponsive, inert, insensible, just motionless and undetectable.

"Bryan! Bryan, get the hell out here now." He could hear Kai calling brokenly from behind the door.

Bryan buried his head beneath his arms to avoid hearing more of the yelling. He couldn't handle any more of that. The past few days had been filled with it. This time there was a sense of urgency in Kai's yelling, even when it was drowned out by the pressure Bryan put on his ears, blocking out the sound until all they were were hushed whispers, his conscious filling in the blanks of what he couldn't hear. She was long gone.

_I'm calling you, dear.  
Can't you see me standing right here?  
Life's bleeding from fear.  
I'll give it straight from my vein._

(In the rain) I'm calling you, dear  
(Find the way) Can't you see me standing right here?  
(Feel my pain) Life's bleeding from fear  
(Find its place) I will give it straight from my vein

_**A/N: I really do think this is some of my better work, I really poured a lot of my soul into this and it was all written in the span of an hour but I just couldn't NOT write this(I've got a family party to go to in an hour and a half and I haven't even washed my hair yet!) **_

_**The song in this oneshot was added AFTER it was all written. I had just written the whole thing and I thought that it reminded me so much of this song so I added it because it fit too perfectly and it was just a beautiful song. In case you're wondering, its I.V by X Japan. It's a Japanese band, Jrock song but completely in English so for those overseas fans its perfect. Give it a listen, you'll fall in love with it like I did! **_

_**Please leave a review and tell me what you thought of all this, I really tried to make something I was finally proud of since that hasn't much in a while. Take care everyone!**_


End file.
